I forget that this is the end of a marriage. I'd be fooling myself if I said that there were never good times. The birth of babies, trips to the beach, seeing the mountains in Colorado, the ocean in California, history in Europe. The imprints of these significant things are overshadowed by the absolute horror of the day to day goings on in my life
Its like a death, yet so completely different. I stay awake wondering how this happened. How I was deceived, and how my boys are going to handle all the weight put upon their shoulders. How does someone live with all the lies, how do you keep them straight, and how do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you singlehandedly ripped so many lives apart, yet act so nasty and flippant?
Its funny how many stories of marriages that have weathered the storm have seemed to surface. Were they there all along? Are my eyes just opened to them because of this situation?
I heard the story of a marriage where the husband became addicted to cocaine, and became an alcoholic. The wife and the husband worked things out. The husband completely clean and sober leads a completely amazing life still married. She could have left but she didn't.
I saw the marriage of an amazing couple. The husband stricken with cancer slowly died. The wife stayed with him till the end. Watching every part of him that she loved be taken away, till finally he passed. She could have left but she didn't.
I recently watched a friend lose her husband. They had not been married long but had recently had a baby, the devotion they had to each other in their short courtship and way to shot marriage due to death made me feel a little like the veveteen rabbit. What is real? What is not?
That leads to the question is, did I do enough to encourage my marriage? Do others? My marriage was irreparable but can marriages be fixed with a little or a lot of work?
These marriages are based on respect, love, honesty, and friendship. They were so much more than the marriage I endured.
Honesty. Respect. Love. Friendship........
